Gonna watch some college football.

Love.. love.. love.

It’s time to vent because I’m at the point where I’m crying my eyes out on my laptop and I just need to let it all out. So there’s your warning don’t read it if you’re going to call me dramatic, or so you can say I did this for attention. Because this is the way I release it all, and no one will take that from me. 

You know how everyone has an addiction whether it’s drugs, alcohol, a sport or a person it could be anything. You’re willing to take that risk no matter what. No matter if the drugs will lead you to your death, or that the alcohol poisons you, or the fact that your injured but you’re addicted to playing football that you’re willing to make that injury worse just so you can play with your team. The worst addiction is a person. My addiction.. Alberto.

What can I say this guy can illuminate my whole life. I love him with all my heart, mind and soul. I know I have never felt this way. Yeah he broke up with me and I’m not going to act like it didn’t hurt because fuck, it did. It was almost going to be 7 months together. Obviously recently school started, and I had him for half of my classes. Which absolutely killed me inside. No matter how much I denied it I just wanted to talk to him say how much I have missed him, and love him. I didn’t, I kept my distance. The following day he talked to me and God, it felt like we were talking for the first time again.. I felt so shy, so nervous.

I stayed after school on Tuesday talking to him. It led to the false illusion of us being together, once again. I have to say I did love that. We had problems like every other couple had. It began to feel real with the things he told me. I thought we would have another chance to work things out. At first I believe that’s what you wanted, but you slowly realized that I’m not your happiness, and starting over with us wasn’t just fixing our problems, but each other. I wanted to call you mine.  

Like my sister told me, “You get addicted and you know it’s bad for you so you stop, but no matter how hard you try to get it out of your head it’s like a nightmare that never does away. And it’s too late for you to do anything because you’re an addict.”

Our relationship had plenty of arguments, and a lot of things I could have changed to not fight fire with fire. The arguments didn’t mean we couldn’t work whatever it was out. There is so much to say on this but I can’t finish because it isn’t fixing anything. Only because this time you won’t meet me halfway.

I hope you find the happiness you were looking for, and I hope you find someone who is worth fighting for and who is worth fixing your problems, I wish you the best, Alberto Castillo-Jimenez. You deserve it. I’m sure you made your father proud, I’m proud of you even if I wasn’t with you at that time. I hope you succeed what you want to succeed. I hope you’ll get a place in Texas like you wanted before, while and after we were together.

I love you with all my mind, heart, and soul. You will always hold a place in my heart no matter how much happened to us. We managed to go through hell together, but didn’t make it back together.. 

I wish we could have had that chance, but I guess you didn’t want it after all.  God bless you, and your family. 

I’m hopeless. I feel so.. I don’t even know how I feel. You and I need to talk tomorrow


Modern dating is the devil. I don’t know how y’all do it. It’s just a lot of games and sex in between. Ain’t no place in the dating world for an old school mofo like me.

I like dinners and exploration. I like getting to know each other for a reason, not for a time period.

Half the people you meet nowadays don’t know anything besides sex and games.

Sex & Games.

Sex & Games.

Ain’t widdit.

(via caylinemae)